“You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so
wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous-how well I know it. You
watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in
the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid
out before a single day had passed.”
I read this passage coming off of an emotional
night. As I sat in the bathroom crying with my Mom and sisters, we talked about
how far we had come in the past year in our own relationships. I remembered how God used me in my family by
introducing Gideon to me. He was the
least of his family and God told him to lead them. When he said, “Who am I to
do this? I am the least of my family!” God responded by saying, “I will be with
you.” I remember thinking that it was so cool that God’s response had
absolutely nothing to do with Gideon and everything to do with the Lord. I was the least in my family, but I felt He
was calling me to make a change that would cause a ripple effect in my
family. Although that year was easily
one of the hardest years of my life, it was such a blessing from the Lord. He used my situation to lead us to attend
counseling with a wonderful Christian counselor and God not only mended our
relationships—no. A mere
needle-and-thread patchwork wouldn’t cut it—He deeply healed our relationships
and made them healthier than before! Praise to my King! As I sat thinking about
all of this tonight, I realized that God had that all planned out before I was
even born. To think that God has our pain planned out for the glory of His holy
name is overwhelming. It’s difficult to
grasp and sometimes frustrating and eventually honoring to think He would
choose someone so insignificant to bring honor to Himself.
Tonight was a challenging night for me. Part of our family is in shambles and there
is literally nothing I can do to fix it other than to submit it to God and
trust in Him. I spoke out of anger
tonight because my feelings were incredibly hurt and as I read this passage
from Psalm 139, it reminds me that God knit me together and knows my feelings
intimately and that this day was planned long ago. I even prayed tonight before our family
meeting that God would help me to be slow to anger and slow to speech but quick
to listen. I did fine during the meeting
but when Auntie hurt my feelings, I stormed into the bathroom full of anger and
said hurtful things about her. I wasn’t
slow to anger or slow to speech in that moment.
But God had this planned long ago.
I may not see the end result tonight or tomorrow-I may not see it come
to fruition for years. But this I do
know: The Lord is in control and He has been from the very beginning. And I know that He will be with me. So in the meantime, I asked Him to forgive me
for the ways I sinned and asked Him to help me freely and graciously extend
forgiveness to my Aunt because He so freely gave such a precious gift of
forgiveness to me and I was far from deserving of it. My hurt feelings tonight are nothing compared
to what I have done to my Savior.
“Show me where to walk, for I give myself to you”
Psalm 143:8. These wise words from King
David ring true for me today. I give
myself to you, my Lord, and I have nothing else to offer but my insignificant
little life. But I ask that you show me
where to walk that I might live righteously and treat others the way you have
treated me-with great love. I give myself to you because I am your workmanship
that you formed in the intimate, utter seclusion of my mother’s womb. You know me inside and out, better than
anyone could ever know me. You know my
heart and my hurts-my dreams and my fears-what makes me laugh and what makes me
cry-every hair on my head, every tear that has fallen, every mistake, every
goal achieved, every joy. You are my joy, my Father, because you
are everything to me. I will praise you
all the days of my life because you designed each day for me and you are worthy
of praise. I love you!
“How precious are your thoughts about me, O
God. They cannot be numbered! I can’t even count them; they outnumber the
grains of sand! And when I wake up, you
are still with me!” 139:17-18
“Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand.
You guide me along with you counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny. Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on
earth. My health may fail, and my spirit
may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; He is mine forever.”
73:23-26
“The Lord is merciful and compassionate, slow to
get angry and filled with unfailing love.
The Lord is good to everyone.” 145:8-9
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