Once again, I come before my Father completely humbled and even more in love than before. I have been reminded of the satisfying sweetness in knowing that He desires a relationship with me. And it has brought a flood of tears to my eyes simply because I didn't even want a relationship with me. How could He love me when I didn't love myself? In the past week, I had begun to hate myself. I literally could not find one thing that I liked-not one redeeming quality to give me a glimmer of hope for myself. I compared myself to others and found that I didn't-and couldn't-measure up. And it became so overwhelming to think of all the work I needed to do to fix me that I shut down and wanted to give up. This has been a challenging year and even though I thought before that I had grown to someone so much better, now I could not find one positive thing. Where was the growth? How was I better? I have never wanted to escape my life-literally crawl out of my body and be somebody else-more than I have this past year. You see, it is one thing to not like the lack of definition between your calves and ankles or the random eyebrow hair that just keeps growing back. But to really truly not like yourself-to helplessly look at other people wishing you could be them-wishing that God would grant you this one mercy and let you start over in that other person's lawn that looks so much greener-that is something entirely different. It's drowning. It's hopeless. It's faithless.
I attended the Women's Regenerate Conference tonight and I remember looking at women as they walked by me thinking "They have everything together. They look happy-I bet they don't hate themselves. And they're beautiful. I want to be them." I knew Satan was attacking-and it was working. I couldn't hold the tears in as Natalie Grant (an amazing woman of God) sang song after song that spoke directly to my broken heart. And as the tears flowed, Satan's lies were replaced with something so much greater-the Truth. Satan told me I was a failure that would never measure up. But God replaced that with love: "Wonderful, beautiful is what You see when You look at me." Satan said I wasn't pretty enough, smart enough, kind enough, funny enough, caring enough-not a good Auntie, not a good sister, not a good daughter, not a good friend, not a good Christian. But God says "There's no such thing as perfect people-there's no such thing as a perfect life. So come as you are, broken and scarred. Lift up your heart and be amazed and be changed by a perfect God." I know I am not perfect-and I can be changed. But only by the One and Only perfect God. I am not everything I want to be yet because God is still working on me. He's still molding me with His gentle nail-scarred hands. But even right now in this moment, God sees me as wonderful and beautiful.
I want to be so many things-but right now I will start with being more positive. I want to be smiling and happy all the time. God has allowed me to experience a lot of hard things, but I still have a reason to worship. "All of my life-in every season-You are still God! I have a reason to sing-I have a reason to worship!" God keeps reminding me that this is what it is to be loved and to know that the promise was not that I would miraculously become perfect-but that when everything falls, we'd be held. And let me tell you, He doesn't just hold You in His hand. He gives you one of those big bear, comforting daddy hugs-the kind where He doesn't let go. Yesterday happened and I can't do anything about it. And I'm not guaranteed tomorrow. But I have this moment-and in this moment, I will stand firm in Christ and know without a doubt that God loves me and thinks I am wonderful! In this moment, I will praise the Most High King for I have a reason to worship!
"You is kind. You is smart. You is important." -The Help. You is beautiful. You is wonderful. You is loved. -God (with a little country accent) ;) Father, I love You. What more can I say? Your love is more than I ever could have asked for. Thank You for loving me and holding me and mending this heart of mine back together again. I am so ready for You to keep molding me into a beautiful image of You. I love you Father! Amen
Friday, September 16, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Paying Attention
Hey kids! The subject of tonight's lecture is...paying attention! Many of you may have noticed that at any given time in the great city of Gilbert, AZ, there is at least one road under construction. And you keep track of what roads are under construction so that you may plan your new driving route for the next year or so because you are well aware that construction will take, at the very least, a year. Well kids, just in case you didn't already know, Williamsfield Road is under construction. And another little factoid for you-construction zone speed limits are 25 mph. Not 45.
So here's where paying attention comes in! When you reach a construction zone, pay attention to how fast you're going. Most likely it's not 25-so slow down. Because otherwise, an unmarked police car will follow you for a mile and a half and after deciding you're not going to break any other laws, that nice policeman will pull you over. And he'll ask you "Did you see that construction zone?" And of course, you won't remember the construction zone because it was a mile and a half back and your girlfriend was telling you a story. And so you'll hesitate. And he'll sigh and look out at the road ahead of you, all disappointed-like, and say "You didn't see all those orange cones and bright flashy things?" And then you'll remember the construction zone while resenting his sarcastic tone. He'll then proceed to quiz your knowledge of both construction zone speed limits and how fast you might have been driving. You both quickly do the math and realize that-WOOPS!-you were going 20+ over the construction zone speed limit, which is a felony!! Congratulations-you are now officially screwed. :)
So the nice police officer takes your paperwork back to his unmarked car while you sit in stunned silence because you have never been pulled over in your life and your girlfriend asks if she can finish her story now, to which you reply: "No. I don't want to hear a story. Please pray." So both of you fervently pray that the Good Lord will deliver you from a court appearance and suspended license. And guess what? The Good Lord answers your prayers. The policeman strolls back up to your window and tells you how close you were to actually being screwed but that he's going to just give you a warning. He kindly- (and by kindly, I really mean kindly-because you also prayed that God would make the police officer be nice to you and God answered that part of the prayer too)-He kindly asks you to pay attention and slow down. He also recommends that your girlfriend not open her car door while the car is moving at a rate of 50 miles per hour. You then proceed to question every move you make while driving home at a mere 40 mph and praise God when you reach home without being pulled over again!
This is a completely hypothetical situation, of course, and is in no way based on a series of factual events. But you get the point. Pay attention. And drive safe. :)
So here's where paying attention comes in! When you reach a construction zone, pay attention to how fast you're going. Most likely it's not 25-so slow down. Because otherwise, an unmarked police car will follow you for a mile and a half and after deciding you're not going to break any other laws, that nice policeman will pull you over. And he'll ask you "Did you see that construction zone?" And of course, you won't remember the construction zone because it was a mile and a half back and your girlfriend was telling you a story. And so you'll hesitate. And he'll sigh and look out at the road ahead of you, all disappointed-like, and say "You didn't see all those orange cones and bright flashy things?" And then you'll remember the construction zone while resenting his sarcastic tone. He'll then proceed to quiz your knowledge of both construction zone speed limits and how fast you might have been driving. You both quickly do the math and realize that-WOOPS!-you were going 20+ over the construction zone speed limit, which is a felony!! Congratulations-you are now officially screwed. :)
So the nice police officer takes your paperwork back to his unmarked car while you sit in stunned silence because you have never been pulled over in your life and your girlfriend asks if she can finish her story now, to which you reply: "No. I don't want to hear a story. Please pray." So both of you fervently pray that the Good Lord will deliver you from a court appearance and suspended license. And guess what? The Good Lord answers your prayers. The policeman strolls back up to your window and tells you how close you were to actually being screwed but that he's going to just give you a warning. He kindly- (and by kindly, I really mean kindly-because you also prayed that God would make the police officer be nice to you and God answered that part of the prayer too)-He kindly asks you to pay attention and slow down. He also recommends that your girlfriend not open her car door while the car is moving at a rate of 50 miles per hour. You then proceed to question every move you make while driving home at a mere 40 mph and praise God when you reach home without being pulled over again!
This is a completely hypothetical situation, of course, and is in no way based on a series of factual events. But you get the point. Pay attention. And drive safe. :)
Friday, July 1, 2011
Stand Your Ground
I'm sure you've all seen my facebook status updates talking about being attacked by satan or that he needs to leave me alone right now. Due to some changes God is bringing me through, the past (almost) two weeks have been extremely difficult for me and I go through days of being ok and other days of my heart hurting. One thing that has been frustrating me is that I'll have a great day and be on a spiritual high-I'll know that I'm doing what God wants me to and be encouraged by my girlfriends, and then the tiniest thing will happen and it knocks me down. My mood changes and I quickly lose sight of the hope that God had filled me with earlier in the day. Satan does not want me close to God or close to my girlfriends-He does not want to see progress in my life. Yesterday was one of those days for me. I was having a great day and I read something that tore me down in two seconds. And the first place I went was "I don't want to be here anymore. If this is how it is, what am I even doing here?" So I wallowed in that for a while (which, by the way, is never a good idea!). And then I decided to get off my butt and do Bible study, knowing that God would meet me there and help me out.
My Bible study was about Solomon asking for wisdom & how God prepared David to become King by first being a shepherd. I was reminded that God is preparing me for future responsibilities and relationships through this situation now. The last piece of my Bible study was 2 Thessalonians 2 in which it describes satan using every tool he has to deceive people and blind them to God's truth. I immediately prayed for God to send His warrior angels to protect me. And from then on, I had a great day (imagine that!). This morning, I found notes from a sermon from May of last year (God prepares us well in advance!). It says that we first need to understand who our enemy is. Satan is strong. He is a deceiver (2 Corin. 11:3-Cunning, 2 Corin. 4:4-blinds people to the light of Christ). He is a destroyer. He prowls around looking for someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8). He has asked to sift you like wheat because he wants to destroy you (Luke 22:31)! He is coniving and is seeking to outwit you. 2 Corin. 2:11-be aware of his schemes. He tried to outwit Jesus-the Creator-the Son of God! You think he won't try to outwit you?? He strategizes against you! "For we are not fighting against flesh and blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places" (Ephesians 6:12).
Here's where the good news comes in. Although the body is weak, the spirit is willing (Mark 14:38). God has given us divinely powered weapons to demolish evil strongholds. He gives us the belt of Truth, the breastplate of Righteousness, sandals of Peace, a shield of Faith, a helmet of Salvation (to protect your mind!), the sword of the Spirit (the Word of God), and prayer (the ability to speak with God)! God gives you all of these things to protect yourself. But there is one part of the body that is not mentioned-your back. I believe there are two reasons why this is. Your back isn't mentioned because God's covering it-He always has your back no matter what. And your back isn't mentioned because you were never intended to turn your back to satan and run. Resist satan and he will run from you! Stand your ground!! Satan has far more to be scared of in dealing with you and God than you have in dealing with him. Look at 2 Samuel 22. God would literally move Heaven and earth to protect you! The Creator of the immeasurable universe would leave His Throne to defend you! Satan ought to be scared! He messed with the wrong person with you because he messed with the son or daughter of the Most High King who is literally going to kill him with the breath of his mouth (2 Thessalonians 2:8). Satan is puny and pathetic and small. You have the God of the universe on your side-and with God on your side, who can be against you? So tell satan to back off because your God is ready to blow him away and there is nothing-NOTHING- that will stop you from furthering His Kingdom. How great is our God?!
Father, I praise Your Holy Name. Thank you for defending me and protecting me. Your Word tells us that the demons hear Your name and they tremble. What do I have to be scared of?? Yes-hard times will come and yes-there will be times that I am in the dark. But I will hold tight to Your hand because You promise to never let go (Psalm 37:23-24). I will stand my ground against satan because You are my ground! You are my solid rock and even though satan is powerful, You are so much more than he ever could be. Praise to my Rock! Lord, I lift up anyone who is reading this. I pray they will be encouraged and that their desire to fight will be reignited. Everything is possible with You, Lord. Praise God! I love you, Lord. How great is our God! Amen! Amen! Amen!
Isaiah 41:10~Psalm 23:4~Isaiah 43:2~Isaiah 51:11~Matthew 11:28-29
"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:28-31 Amen!
My Bible study was about Solomon asking for wisdom & how God prepared David to become King by first being a shepherd. I was reminded that God is preparing me for future responsibilities and relationships through this situation now. The last piece of my Bible study was 2 Thessalonians 2 in which it describes satan using every tool he has to deceive people and blind them to God's truth. I immediately prayed for God to send His warrior angels to protect me. And from then on, I had a great day (imagine that!). This morning, I found notes from a sermon from May of last year (God prepares us well in advance!). It says that we first need to understand who our enemy is. Satan is strong. He is a deceiver (2 Corin. 11:3-Cunning, 2 Corin. 4:4-blinds people to the light of Christ). He is a destroyer. He prowls around looking for someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8). He has asked to sift you like wheat because he wants to destroy you (Luke 22:31)! He is coniving and is seeking to outwit you. 2 Corin. 2:11-be aware of his schemes. He tried to outwit Jesus-the Creator-the Son of God! You think he won't try to outwit you?? He strategizes against you! "For we are not fighting against flesh and blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places" (Ephesians 6:12).
Here's where the good news comes in. Although the body is weak, the spirit is willing (Mark 14:38). God has given us divinely powered weapons to demolish evil strongholds. He gives us the belt of Truth, the breastplate of Righteousness, sandals of Peace, a shield of Faith, a helmet of Salvation (to protect your mind!), the sword of the Spirit (the Word of God), and prayer (the ability to speak with God)! God gives you all of these things to protect yourself. But there is one part of the body that is not mentioned-your back. I believe there are two reasons why this is. Your back isn't mentioned because God's covering it-He always has your back no matter what. And your back isn't mentioned because you were never intended to turn your back to satan and run. Resist satan and he will run from you! Stand your ground!! Satan has far more to be scared of in dealing with you and God than you have in dealing with him. Look at 2 Samuel 22. God would literally move Heaven and earth to protect you! The Creator of the immeasurable universe would leave His Throne to defend you! Satan ought to be scared! He messed with the wrong person with you because he messed with the son or daughter of the Most High King who is literally going to kill him with the breath of his mouth (2 Thessalonians 2:8). Satan is puny and pathetic and small. You have the God of the universe on your side-and with God on your side, who can be against you? So tell satan to back off because your God is ready to blow him away and there is nothing-NOTHING- that will stop you from furthering His Kingdom. How great is our God?!
Father, I praise Your Holy Name. Thank you for defending me and protecting me. Your Word tells us that the demons hear Your name and they tremble. What do I have to be scared of?? Yes-hard times will come and yes-there will be times that I am in the dark. But I will hold tight to Your hand because You promise to never let go (Psalm 37:23-24). I will stand my ground against satan because You are my ground! You are my solid rock and even though satan is powerful, You are so much more than he ever could be. Praise to my Rock! Lord, I lift up anyone who is reading this. I pray they will be encouraged and that their desire to fight will be reignited. Everything is possible with You, Lord. Praise God! I love you, Lord. How great is our God! Amen! Amen! Amen!
Isaiah 41:10~Psalm 23:4~Isaiah 43:2~Isaiah 51:11~Matthew 11:28-29
"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:28-31 Amen!
Monday, June 20, 2011
Body of Christ: Gems of Wisdom from King David
Hiya! Sorry I haven't written in forever and a day. Life got in the way and I didn't have much to talk about. I wanted to write about my Bible study today. Read 1 Chronicles 22.
I like when things in the Bible don't seem like a big deal at first and then God points something out to you. Today, God showed me something really cool about David. God had already told David that he was not the one to build the Temple. David's son, Solomon, would do that. So what does David do? He makes preparations for the Temple. He brings in as many supplies as he can so that Solomon can build a magnificent Temple for the Lord. He then tells Solomon that all the supplies are ready and that God has called this young future king to build the dwelling place for Him.
So here's what I think is so cool and something that I am going to implement into my own life: Even though David was told he was not to build the Temple, he didn't just go about the rest of his life glad to be exempt of the responsibility. Instead, he gathered all the supplies that would be needed so that his son could build this magnificent Temple for God. He helped his son carry the responsibility and followed God's commands. There are so many times when God has called us to be the 'leg' but we want to be the 'head' (or whatever it may be), but we can take some gems of wisdom from David in this. God called him to many things, but building the Temple wasn't one of them. So David followed God's instructions but made sure to help carry the burden with his son. "Share each other's burdens, and in this way obey the Law of Christ" (Galatians 6:2 NLT).
David sent Solomon on his first mission with this prayer: "Now, my son, may the Lord be with you and give you success as you follow His directions in building the Temple of the Lord your God. And may the Lord give you wisdom and understanding, that you may obey the Law of the Lord your God as you rule over Israel. For you will be successful if you carefully obey the decrees and regulations that the Lord gave to Israel through Moses. Be strong and courageous; do not be afraid or lose heart!" (1 Chron. 22:11-13)
So if God calls you to be the arm, are you going to try to be the foot or will you be the arm while still helping other's to carry their burdens? May the Lord give you wisdom and understanding that you may obey the Law of the Lord your God! Amen!
I like when things in the Bible don't seem like a big deal at first and then God points something out to you. Today, God showed me something really cool about David. God had already told David that he was not the one to build the Temple. David's son, Solomon, would do that. So what does David do? He makes preparations for the Temple. He brings in as many supplies as he can so that Solomon can build a magnificent Temple for the Lord. He then tells Solomon that all the supplies are ready and that God has called this young future king to build the dwelling place for Him.
So here's what I think is so cool and something that I am going to implement into my own life: Even though David was told he was not to build the Temple, he didn't just go about the rest of his life glad to be exempt of the responsibility. Instead, he gathered all the supplies that would be needed so that his son could build this magnificent Temple for God. He helped his son carry the responsibility and followed God's commands. There are so many times when God has called us to be the 'leg' but we want to be the 'head' (or whatever it may be), but we can take some gems of wisdom from David in this. God called him to many things, but building the Temple wasn't one of them. So David followed God's instructions but made sure to help carry the burden with his son. "Share each other's burdens, and in this way obey the Law of Christ" (Galatians 6:2 NLT).
David sent Solomon on his first mission with this prayer: "Now, my son, may the Lord be with you and give you success as you follow His directions in building the Temple of the Lord your God. And may the Lord give you wisdom and understanding, that you may obey the Law of the Lord your God as you rule over Israel. For you will be successful if you carefully obey the decrees and regulations that the Lord gave to Israel through Moses. Be strong and courageous; do not be afraid or lose heart!" (1 Chron. 22:11-13)
So if God calls you to be the arm, are you going to try to be the foot or will you be the arm while still helping other's to carry their burdens? May the Lord give you wisdom and understanding that you may obey the Law of the Lord your God! Amen!
Sunday, February 6, 2011
I Love You
I think that in the day to day activities of life, the realization is lost that all you've been blessed with could be gone in an instant. All it takes is one little second to forever alter your forever. And in that moment, you feel like nothing will ever be ok again. Your heart feels like it's shattering into a million tiny pieces. And although your body is still physically breathing in and out, you feel like your breath is caught and that maybe, by holding onto that breath, you can make the world wait for you for just a minute-wait for you to make sense of the madness crumbling around you.
But soon, you get back to the daily grind and everything starts to seem ok. You don't always feel like your heart is shattering into a million pieces. You learn how to breathe again. And I think that it is in this time when you forget the heart-wrenching pain of losing a great love of your life. Maybe it is your brain-maybe it is God's grace-that allows you to push that emotion down to the deep recesses of your heart where only God can see. And I think that that has to happen for you to be able to live again. Maybe God has to push the breath through your lungs to help you remember to breathe-and maybe God has to force the blood through your heart to make it remember to beat on its own. But you are alive-only by God's grace. You may feel like a piece of you died on that worst day of your life, but you are still alive. You learn that time does not heal all wounds. God does. And out of the blue, a word-a scene-a sound-a picture-a song-something will send you back to that feeling of utter hopelessness; of knowing that someone you love is gone and desperately grasping for them but having no control to bring them back. And all you want to do is curl in a ball and cry until every last tear has poured from your tired eyes. It is in times like these that you remember how blessed you are and you remember to thank God for what He has given you-you remember to tell your family that you love them with everything you have. You wonder how on earth anyone could go a day without telling their family they love them or how they could treat them so horribly-you want to yell at the top of your lungs "What are you doing?! They could be gone right now and you can never get them back!"
And then, you get back to the daily grind and everything seems ok. You don't always feel like your heart is shattering into a million pieces. You learn how to breathe again. And you may start to forget to thank God for who He has blessed you with and you may forget to tell them you love them.
Tell the people you love that you love them. Take every opportunity God gives you with that person to learn from them and love with them. We will see the ones we've lost one day in Heaven, but now-right now-cherish them. One day on earth away from them feels like an eternity.
My sweet family, I love you with everything I have!
But soon, you get back to the daily grind and everything starts to seem ok. You don't always feel like your heart is shattering into a million pieces. You learn how to breathe again. And I think that it is in this time when you forget the heart-wrenching pain of losing a great love of your life. Maybe it is your brain-maybe it is God's grace-that allows you to push that emotion down to the deep recesses of your heart where only God can see. And I think that that has to happen for you to be able to live again. Maybe God has to push the breath through your lungs to help you remember to breathe-and maybe God has to force the blood through your heart to make it remember to beat on its own. But you are alive-only by God's grace. You may feel like a piece of you died on that worst day of your life, but you are still alive. You learn that time does not heal all wounds. God does. And out of the blue, a word-a scene-a sound-a picture-a song-something will send you back to that feeling of utter hopelessness; of knowing that someone you love is gone and desperately grasping for them but having no control to bring them back. And all you want to do is curl in a ball and cry until every last tear has poured from your tired eyes. It is in times like these that you remember how blessed you are and you remember to thank God for what He has given you-you remember to tell your family that you love them with everything you have. You wonder how on earth anyone could go a day without telling their family they love them or how they could treat them so horribly-you want to yell at the top of your lungs "What are you doing?! They could be gone right now and you can never get them back!"
And then, you get back to the daily grind and everything seems ok. You don't always feel like your heart is shattering into a million pieces. You learn how to breathe again. And you may start to forget to thank God for who He has blessed you with and you may forget to tell them you love them.
Tell the people you love that you love them. Take every opportunity God gives you with that person to learn from them and love with them. We will see the ones we've lost one day in Heaven, but now-right now-cherish them. One day on earth away from them feels like an eternity.
My sweet family, I love you with everything I have!
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Yunka Bill!
This blog is dedicated to my Yunka Bill, who has been encouraging me to update my blog so he can know more about what's going on with me, even though we email almost every day :)
This past week, I started school. This is my fourth and final semester at Chandler Gilbert Community College. I need to schedule an appointment with an advisor, but I think I will be graduating this May with my associates! And then I will hopefully be transferring to ASU in the fall to continue working to become a high school English teacher. :)
All my teachers so far are really nice-I have two education classes (exceptional learners-children with disabilities-and English language learners), one literature class, an online communications class, and a biology class. My biology teacher looks like Shania Twain-she is so incredibly beautiful! And it turns out she is actually the mom of one of my small group girls from church that I taught last semester! Anyway, I prayed before my classes, asking that God would provide me with some awesome Christian girlfriends and my bio class is full of sweet girls that I know! Yay! So between school and work, I'll have a busy schedule-but it sounds like a ton of fun! I'm looking forward to it! :)
Speaking of my busy schedule, I have to get some homework done before I go babysit again tonight, which I'm really looking forward to. I miss the Coupe kiddos! Love you all! :) And I love love love you Yunka Bill!!! XoXoXo Hi Sign! :)
This past week, I started school. This is my fourth and final semester at Chandler Gilbert Community College. I need to schedule an appointment with an advisor, but I think I will be graduating this May with my associates! And then I will hopefully be transferring to ASU in the fall to continue working to become a high school English teacher. :)
All my teachers so far are really nice-I have two education classes (exceptional learners-children with disabilities-and English language learners), one literature class, an online communications class, and a biology class. My biology teacher looks like Shania Twain-she is so incredibly beautiful! And it turns out she is actually the mom of one of my small group girls from church that I taught last semester! Anyway, I prayed before my classes, asking that God would provide me with some awesome Christian girlfriends and my bio class is full of sweet girls that I know! Yay! So between school and work, I'll have a busy schedule-but it sounds like a ton of fun! I'm looking forward to it! :)
Speaking of my busy schedule, I have to get some homework done before I go babysit again tonight, which I'm really looking forward to. I miss the Coupe kiddos! Love you all! :) And I love love love you Yunka Bill!!! XoXoXo Hi Sign! :)
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Dreams
I always have the weirdest dreams and most of the time they're nightmares. But the last two nights, I've been having some very vivid, very scary dreams.
The first dream was in 3 parts. In the first part, I was with my handbell choir from church. We had made a real band, minus the handbells, and were travelling around performing. I think we might have been on a huge campus in a different country and we had our own place to stay-this dingy, concrete room with a splintered wooden door. The next part was that I was babysitting for a Mexican family with close to 10 kids-maybe more. It was in the same poor, dirty country and they lived in an apartment that was dark and needed to be cleaned. I think they had sheets over their windows and just sat around on old brown couches watching tv. One night, I was walking past their apartment to go find someone and I realized that their apartment was on fire. I opened the door and all the kids were standing there, with dirt smudged all over their faces, waiting for someone to help them because their parents left them there, knowing the house was on fire. I got them out and paramedics/firemen took care of them and I rushed off to the third part of my dream. I walked into a kitchen where my mom was frantically calling her boyfriend. He was supposed to meet her for something and hadn't showed. For some reason, I knew that he was at an airport waiting to leave town without telling her. I also knew that he had cheated on her and she didn't know about it. My brother, Frank, walked up to cook something and nonchalantly said "Cathie, he's a cheater." I nodded in agreement and she got really defensive. Her boyfriend all of a sudden showed up and acted charming, which she fell for. I think he was about to propose, but I woke up.
The second dream from last night was awful-a repeat nightmare with some differences from the first time I had it. I have repeat nightmares a lot. My sister, Alyssa, and two cousins, Gabbie and Hunter, were walking around this very clean, but very deserted mall. Alyssa was chasing us, and of course, she always won. On the top floor of the mall, which was outside, I decided to take an elevator to escape her when my oldest sister, Amanda showed up. The game being over, we all walked around together talking, Amanda leading us outside. When we got outside, my nephews were walking with us and my other family members all showed up. Out of nowhere, my mom walked up with a beautiful white and blue wedding dress on and at first I thought it was a joke. But then my family got angry and started leaving-they didn't want to be apart of the wedding. I asked her if she was really getting married twice and both times, she glanced at me to indignantly say no and turned her attention back towards the mall, looking for her boyfriend, while a huge crowd of people gathered-like 300 people. A lot of people I didn't know where surrounding us, some of them getting in position to be bridesmaids and groomsmen. I decided, along with my Grandma, to stay and be supportive. But my mom's boyfriend still wasn't there. My mom decided to leave and before I could say anything, she was gone. But the mall staircases and walkways had become completely impassable because of piles of trash and discarded clothes, so I couldn't try to find her.
The next thing I knew, I was in my friend's apartment with a bunch of college friends and I couldn't get out. My friend told me to use the window to climb down and he would come with me-I had a splitting headache from what had happened earlier and needed medicine. He brought me to a small restaurant and the waitress went through baskets of cold medicine asking me which one I would like. I saw a pile of advil and grabbed close to ten of them and drove back to the apartment with my friend. I took 3 advil on the way. While he was in the parking lot talking to another friend, I began climbing up the gates over the windows to get to the 4th floor where he lived. I knocked on the window and they let me inside, but when I got in there, my oldest sister and mom were hanging out, waiting for me to come back so they could talk to me. Amanda called out to me but I ignored her and grabbed more advil even though I was feeling more and more dizzy. I didn't want to die, but I thought if I overdosed on medicine, it would get my mom's attention away from the wedding and her boyfriend, who again in this dream, had left her. When I turned back around, the scene had changed from a college student's busy apartment, to a dark dining room. My mom was sitting at the table talking on the phone, I believe to police, and the door behind her was open. I watched as a man walked through the door with a knife in his hands-he was a serial killer and he apparently couldn't see me-maybe my mom couldn't either. Right before I woke up, he was about to murder her. I woke up almost hyperventilating.
These dreams are stressing me out! Obviously I know some of it is coming from my fears about my mom dating again and my distrust of men, but some of the other stuff doesn't make sense! Any insight?
The first dream was in 3 parts. In the first part, I was with my handbell choir from church. We had made a real band, minus the handbells, and were travelling around performing. I think we might have been on a huge campus in a different country and we had our own place to stay-this dingy, concrete room with a splintered wooden door. The next part was that I was babysitting for a Mexican family with close to 10 kids-maybe more. It was in the same poor, dirty country and they lived in an apartment that was dark and needed to be cleaned. I think they had sheets over their windows and just sat around on old brown couches watching tv. One night, I was walking past their apartment to go find someone and I realized that their apartment was on fire. I opened the door and all the kids were standing there, with dirt smudged all over their faces, waiting for someone to help them because their parents left them there, knowing the house was on fire. I got them out and paramedics/firemen took care of them and I rushed off to the third part of my dream. I walked into a kitchen where my mom was frantically calling her boyfriend. He was supposed to meet her for something and hadn't showed. For some reason, I knew that he was at an airport waiting to leave town without telling her. I also knew that he had cheated on her and she didn't know about it. My brother, Frank, walked up to cook something and nonchalantly said "Cathie, he's a cheater." I nodded in agreement and she got really defensive. Her boyfriend all of a sudden showed up and acted charming, which she fell for. I think he was about to propose, but I woke up.
The second dream from last night was awful-a repeat nightmare with some differences from the first time I had it. I have repeat nightmares a lot. My sister, Alyssa, and two cousins, Gabbie and Hunter, were walking around this very clean, but very deserted mall. Alyssa was chasing us, and of course, she always won. On the top floor of the mall, which was outside, I decided to take an elevator to escape her when my oldest sister, Amanda showed up. The game being over, we all walked around together talking, Amanda leading us outside. When we got outside, my nephews were walking with us and my other family members all showed up. Out of nowhere, my mom walked up with a beautiful white and blue wedding dress on and at first I thought it was a joke. But then my family got angry and started leaving-they didn't want to be apart of the wedding. I asked her if she was really getting married twice and both times, she glanced at me to indignantly say no and turned her attention back towards the mall, looking for her boyfriend, while a huge crowd of people gathered-like 300 people. A lot of people I didn't know where surrounding us, some of them getting in position to be bridesmaids and groomsmen. I decided, along with my Grandma, to stay and be supportive. But my mom's boyfriend still wasn't there. My mom decided to leave and before I could say anything, she was gone. But the mall staircases and walkways had become completely impassable because of piles of trash and discarded clothes, so I couldn't try to find her.
The next thing I knew, I was in my friend's apartment with a bunch of college friends and I couldn't get out. My friend told me to use the window to climb down and he would come with me-I had a splitting headache from what had happened earlier and needed medicine. He brought me to a small restaurant and the waitress went through baskets of cold medicine asking me which one I would like. I saw a pile of advil and grabbed close to ten of them and drove back to the apartment with my friend. I took 3 advil on the way. While he was in the parking lot talking to another friend, I began climbing up the gates over the windows to get to the 4th floor where he lived. I knocked on the window and they let me inside, but when I got in there, my oldest sister and mom were hanging out, waiting for me to come back so they could talk to me. Amanda called out to me but I ignored her and grabbed more advil even though I was feeling more and more dizzy. I didn't want to die, but I thought if I overdosed on medicine, it would get my mom's attention away from the wedding and her boyfriend, who again in this dream, had left her. When I turned back around, the scene had changed from a college student's busy apartment, to a dark dining room. My mom was sitting at the table talking on the phone, I believe to police, and the door behind her was open. I watched as a man walked through the door with a knife in his hands-he was a serial killer and he apparently couldn't see me-maybe my mom couldn't either. Right before I woke up, he was about to murder her. I woke up almost hyperventilating.
These dreams are stressing me out! Obviously I know some of it is coming from my fears about my mom dating again and my distrust of men, but some of the other stuff doesn't make sense! Any insight?
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