Well this is one of those times when I wish I had been blogging more so I wouldn't have so much to say in one post! The LORD is good & He has blessed me so much since coming to Moody. The first 6 weeks or so were incredibly long and I wanted to go home so badly, but God has blessed me with amazing friends here that I love so much. My school, professors, and classes are great and Spokane is looking less and less ugly as time goes on! :)
I am amazed at what God has done in such a short amount of time and I can't wait to see what else He does. He has showed up in big and small ways (financially, encouraging words, a cool church, etc) and He continues to grow me into the woman He intended me to be. I love everything that I am learning & I love knowing that I have no idea where I am headed, but God does!
Friday, November 30, 2012
Saturday, June 9, 2012
We Will Serve the Lord!
This past year has been..intense, to say the least. There were moments when I felt that I couldn't go any further without having an emotional breakdown and admittedly, I was angry when I heard God tell me to keep giving more. I thought He was going to push me to the very edge of myself to make any of this work out and the thought of being even more vulnerable was exhausting and frustrating. It had been a year of feeling completely hated by my family. I was convinced they were going to have nothing to do with me and I prepared myself for not having them in my life anymore. I was head over heels in love with someone they didn't want me to be with, and although falling in love was incredible and left wonderful memories, the emotional toll of my family's disapproval and fading relationships was one of the most difficult things I've ever experienced.
This blog couldn't possibly begin to recount the details, the emotions, the arguments, the hurts that took place over the past year. But if anyone knows me, they know my family means everything to me and I'm sure you can imagine how difficult it was and hopefully you can appreciate on some level what God has done for us. My relationship with my sister was almost nonexistant. The gulf between us grew wider as the hurt grew deeper. My relationship with my oldest sister was surfacey and strained. The chasm quickly growing between my Mom and I was rapidly filling with hurt, misunderstanding, and a lack of respect. Details I had once shared with them became personal because I didn't trust them and felt they hated me anyway. There were countless fights, countless tears...I wouldn't want to relive it. My boyfriend and I tried our best to do the right thing by our families and by each other. We were constantly praying and I was constantly trying to improve my communication with my family. With all our good intention, however, our desire to be together overruled God's direction to let go. I couldn't make heads or tails of where "Not Now" was coming from-God, me, my family's opinion? So although he and I took a couple of breaks from the relationship in an effort to heal the family, we would come back together because we were in love and wanted to be happy.
During our year long relationship, I was meeting with my mentor from church, going to counseling, listening to decision-making sermons, studying the Bible, and praying like a mad woman in an effort to heal my family and stay with the man I loved. My goodness, did God teach me a lot! He taught me about communication, boundaries, trust in Him, love..the list could go on. But with all of my efforts, I couldn't be the one to fix things. God blessed our obedience when my boyfriend and I decided to break up. We had both heard God tell us not now and felt that we really needed to be obedient this time. Instantly, God was working on relationships in my family. My mom and sisters have been to counseling with me and by themselves. We've all learned about godly conflict resolution and were able to open up to each other about things previously unspoken. I thought I had so much work to do to fix my family, but all I had to say was, "Yes, Lord" and He did the rest. I have seen the faith in my family grow ten times bigger than it was before. I have watched God bridge the gaps in my relationships with Himself. He has truly become the center of our family-We turn to Him more than before and His words are written on our hearts. We speak out of love to one another and handle our differences the way He asked us to (Matthew 18:15-17, James 1:19, Colossians 3:13).
Sometimes I still sit amazed that God has done all of this for us. When I hang out with my sisters and my Mom and feel the love we have for each other, I smile and thank God for His healing. Isn't He wonderful? He merely asks us to trust in Him and He will do the unthinkable! A year ago, I would have told you it was impossible for our family to ever be ok. Look what He has done! I am still asking God to continue healing throughout the rest of our family and I know He will do it. He is a good God! Ask Him for the impossible. Ask Him to show up and show off! Without Him, my family wouldn't be healing. They wouldn't be excited for me to leave for school-which is another completely cool God story! We wouldn't be anywhere without Him.
Lord God, all I have is praises for you. There is nothing I could say or do that could repay you for the kindness you have shown me, the forgiveness you have graciously given me, the love you have lavished upon your beloved. I will glorify your name forever, Lord, because you ALONE are healer. You alone are big enough to do the impossible. How great is our God?! I will follow you all of my days. I will learn to walk with you and follow your commands; to trust wholeheartedly in your words and provision; I am a woman after your heart! Lord God, I ask that you would continue to heal and that you would use my story to help others trust in you for healing. You alone can be praised for what has happened and "as for me and my house, we serve the Lord!" (Joshua 24:15). You are good when there is nothing good in us. We love you so much, Father! Amen!
This blog couldn't possibly begin to recount the details, the emotions, the arguments, the hurts that took place over the past year. But if anyone knows me, they know my family means everything to me and I'm sure you can imagine how difficult it was and hopefully you can appreciate on some level what God has done for us. My relationship with my sister was almost nonexistant. The gulf between us grew wider as the hurt grew deeper. My relationship with my oldest sister was surfacey and strained. The chasm quickly growing between my Mom and I was rapidly filling with hurt, misunderstanding, and a lack of respect. Details I had once shared with them became personal because I didn't trust them and felt they hated me anyway. There were countless fights, countless tears...I wouldn't want to relive it. My boyfriend and I tried our best to do the right thing by our families and by each other. We were constantly praying and I was constantly trying to improve my communication with my family. With all our good intention, however, our desire to be together overruled God's direction to let go. I couldn't make heads or tails of where "Not Now" was coming from-God, me, my family's opinion? So although he and I took a couple of breaks from the relationship in an effort to heal the family, we would come back together because we were in love and wanted to be happy.
During our year long relationship, I was meeting with my mentor from church, going to counseling, listening to decision-making sermons, studying the Bible, and praying like a mad woman in an effort to heal my family and stay with the man I loved. My goodness, did God teach me a lot! He taught me about communication, boundaries, trust in Him, love..the list could go on. But with all of my efforts, I couldn't be the one to fix things. God blessed our obedience when my boyfriend and I decided to break up. We had both heard God tell us not now and felt that we really needed to be obedient this time. Instantly, God was working on relationships in my family. My mom and sisters have been to counseling with me and by themselves. We've all learned about godly conflict resolution and were able to open up to each other about things previously unspoken. I thought I had so much work to do to fix my family, but all I had to say was, "Yes, Lord" and He did the rest. I have seen the faith in my family grow ten times bigger than it was before. I have watched God bridge the gaps in my relationships with Himself. He has truly become the center of our family-We turn to Him more than before and His words are written on our hearts. We speak out of love to one another and handle our differences the way He asked us to (Matthew 18:15-17, James 1:19, Colossians 3:13).
Sometimes I still sit amazed that God has done all of this for us. When I hang out with my sisters and my Mom and feel the love we have for each other, I smile and thank God for His healing. Isn't He wonderful? He merely asks us to trust in Him and He will do the unthinkable! A year ago, I would have told you it was impossible for our family to ever be ok. Look what He has done! I am still asking God to continue healing throughout the rest of our family and I know He will do it. He is a good God! Ask Him for the impossible. Ask Him to show up and show off! Without Him, my family wouldn't be healing. They wouldn't be excited for me to leave for school-which is another completely cool God story! We wouldn't be anywhere without Him.
Lord God, all I have is praises for you. There is nothing I could say or do that could repay you for the kindness you have shown me, the forgiveness you have graciously given me, the love you have lavished upon your beloved. I will glorify your name forever, Lord, because you ALONE are healer. You alone are big enough to do the impossible. How great is our God?! I will follow you all of my days. I will learn to walk with you and follow your commands; to trust wholeheartedly in your words and provision; I am a woman after your heart! Lord God, I ask that you would continue to heal and that you would use my story to help others trust in you for healing. You alone can be praised for what has happened and "as for me and my house, we serve the Lord!" (Joshua 24:15). You are good when there is nothing good in us. We love you so much, Father! Amen!
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Dresser Project!
Saturday: I was 14 or 15 when my Mom gave me a dresser for my birthday, beautifully painted by her and my sister. It was mint green with flowers and lady bugs. Perfect! Well, it has been a wonderful dresser. But it hasn't really matched my Victorian/Parisian themed bedroom. So..since I had time, I thought I'd repaint it. And! Since my Uncle Bill has requested a blog update, I thought I'd write about it. :)
There's really not much to say. My dresser weighs as much as a small cow, so my awesome brother, Frank, helped me haul it outside. It has a gagillion grooves on it to give it beautiful detail and my Mom and sister were very thorough in their painting job...sanding that off has proved to be quite the challenge! I worked on it for about 4 1/2 hours today. And I got help from some very sweet Gray boys...
Levi was hanging out with me after Caleb and Frank went home and asked me when I could start painting. I told him that I had to finish sanding the drawers and then I could paint tomorrow. He asked if I was going to church in the morning and when I said yes, he said, "Well, maybe you could not tell Auntie and Nina and leave the door open for me, and I'll come get you up early so we can work on the drawers before church." Oh Lord. I could eat that kid with a spoon! He is such a great helper :) He also offered to help me organize my room until my dresser is ready since it looks like this:
Sunday: My fingers are going to FALL OFF!!! Oh my gosh. Sanding by hand is the worst. Many times today, I questioned why on earth I started this crazy project. But thankfully I had two cutie pie boys keeping me company & Caleb also fed me pretzels :) After Frank helped me finish sanding (because he's the sweetest brother on the planet), the boys helped me paint!
Not the greatest pics, but its just the first coat. The boys did a great job. And on the back of one of my dresser drawers, the boys put their hand prints :) I was just sad Luke couldn't put his hand prints on there :( As we were painting, Caleb was talking about what a fun day it had been and said to me, "I love you more than you say." (I love you more than you can ever say!) Heart melting!! I love my boys! Tomorrow, I will finish this madness and my room will be clean again!
Wednesday: On Monday and Tuesday, I did the last two coats of paint. Today I was finally able to move the dessser in! I'm not used to the white yet-it looks pretty sterile to me right now, but eventually I'll love it! And my room is spick-n-span again! Yay! :)
There's really not much to say. My dresser weighs as much as a small cow, so my awesome brother, Frank, helped me haul it outside. It has a gagillion grooves on it to give it beautiful detail and my Mom and sister were very thorough in their painting job...sanding that off has proved to be quite the challenge! I worked on it for about 4 1/2 hours today. And I got help from some very sweet Gray boys...
Wednesday: On Monday and Tuesday, I did the last two coats of paint. Today I was finally able to move the dessser in! I'm not used to the white yet-it looks pretty sterile to me right now, but eventually I'll love it! And my room is spick-n-span again! Yay! :)
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