Sometimes I think I am hearing from God but my own thoughts and feelings are getting in the way. And other times I am really hearing from the Lord. A good friend of mine and I made a decision that I was at peace with because I felt certain that God was giving me a clear answer. But today I felt really burdened by the emotions of the thought that I could be making a mistake. I finally got to talk to my friend Ari about it and all my emotions boiled down to one thing: fear. I am always afraid to say or do anything without being certain it is what God wants me to do because I don't want to mess anything up. And I realized that I am exhausted from being scared to move. I remember when I was trying to choose a college, I didn't feel God was giving me a clear answer either way. My mentor told me to trust in myself as a mature Christian that I wasn't going to do something completely idiotic. And she said that sometimes God doesn't care which option you pick. Sometimes God wants you to just make a decision, take a step in faith, and He'll bless you where you are. My talk with Ari encouraged me in that. She reminded me that I can't mess anything up-that God is sovereign over all of my decisions.
On my way home, I unexpectedly ran into a friend, Jonah. He told me that he was accepted to Dallas Theological Seminary and talked about his plans to eventually teach overseas with his wife. I asked if he and his wife specifically prayed about what God wanted them to do or if it was just based off of their interests and talents. He said that he knew very early on that he wanted to teach and knew if God closed the door, he wouldn't do it, but as of right now, he's using the talents God has given him to serve the Lord. It's about your intention in using your gifts or passions. Both talks were incredibly encouraging!
I don't know if anyone is reading this, but first of all, I am thankful God has blessed me with my friends. It was an emotional day for me and usually I am a happy person. But thankfully I had friends throughout the day who were cheering me up. Nate gave me a free latte-Ari prayed withe me-Jonah encouraged me-Dan Rounds, Joel, Aaron, Ben, Sam, and Julia played ultimate frisbee with me. The day ended great because of my friends.
Second of all, if you think of it, say a prayer for me to continue to seek the Lord, but to also not be afraid to move; that I would know in my heart that I can't mess up the Lord's plans and that if I am seeking after Him, He will bless me. I don't know if I was really hearing God or what will happen in the end yet, but I'm going to keep my eyes on God! I hope this was encouraging--Its going to have to work as a reminder to myself. Love you guys--trust in the Lord <3
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